Another still from Ronen’s shoot the other night. I see two things here, the first is negative the second positive:
1) Disappointment that all of the little details that I prided myself in are no longer captured, controlled by my limbs. I’m not perfect anymore, or not as close to it as I was able to be when I was dancing 7 days a week, several hours per day. The geometry of my body has changed, the flexion of my tendons has decreased, the confidence in my stage presence has declined. I’m not the same as I once was.
2) Amazement in the fact that after almost four years of not dancing, I can still revisit certain parts of who I have been. Certain motions never leave my body, even if they’re less refined, less sure, less wonderful than they’ve been in the past. There are truly currents in me that never die, never erode, never transition into anything else. Constants. I’m the same as I’ve always been.
So it’s a contradiction, but most importantly, this has been a chance to revisit a type of motion that has been lost to me for awhile: physical. My mind has moved and strained and contorted much in the last few years, but my body has lain fallow, collecting restraint.
Time for that to change. Even if the amplitude is less than it once was.